so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
