my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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