Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The ass gains better be worth it
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