I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You took a bar mat shot.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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