Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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