I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
