Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
