woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
