420 ftw
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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