their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
