I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
