Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize