it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Randomize
