My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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