apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
