Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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