I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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