yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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