Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
