I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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