I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize