Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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