return my video game
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
