She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
