My liver just broke up with me...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
