Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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