Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I would fuck him just for his dog
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize