My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
