just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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