I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
