dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize