Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This baby is an asshole
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
