her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you inspire me to be a worse person
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
not ubering you a puppy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
