Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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