what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
