one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
that is very illegal...i love you.
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