so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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