apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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