Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize