He is an equal opportunity slut.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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