hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize