im having a threesome with these popsicles
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
