i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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