so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
