I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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