your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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