hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
