You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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