My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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