My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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