he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
