But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
