Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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