So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
