he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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