Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
