New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
