I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize