apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
