sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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