I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
