This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
