apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
