I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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