you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
