thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize