i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize