if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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