There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
