i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
