plz talk dirty to me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
