girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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