thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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