Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dignity is for republicans.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize