Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
