my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
