It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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