week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
