She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
