I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
