What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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