just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
