great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
