I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize