I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
