Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im part way to drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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