the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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