90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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