i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
