i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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