return my video game
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
