Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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