I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
