i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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