I'm going to jail i love you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
